The secret reason why rejection often hurts so much
After thousands of rejections, I have learned this one lesson.
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Since launching WEALTH in 2007, I have heard the word No (in various forms) thousands of times.
I’m not exaggerating. Literally thousands.
That’s a lot of cold shoulders… slaps in the face… kicks in the teeth.
This journey has slowly taught me the hidden reason why rejection often hurts so much — and I’d like to share this with you today.
Over time, as I have become more and more busy, I’ve stopped seeing rejection as a deep emotional and financial setback.
I’ve learned that rejection only hurts when you don’t have options in your life.
Rejection happens. Whether it’s in sales, tendering, the job market or your romantic life. If you can't get your head around this concept, you're going to have trouble functioning in human society.
Your response to this "bad news" is inversely proportional to your options. People who have a lot of other good stuff happening in their lives, people who are constantly picking up the phone, networking actively, adding value for others, being useful and putting themselves out there — you know, generally hustling — tend to be unbothered by rejection.
They don’t take it personally.
Want examples?
When a customer stops taking your calls, it only hurts because you don't have anyone lined up to replace that customer.
When an employer doesn’t respond to your CV, it only hurts because you already pinned all your hopes on that new position, dismissing all other opportunities.
When cute girl stops replying your messages, it only hurts because you don’t have a string of others to take her place.
Rejection only hurts because, deep down, you know that you don’t have a system, that your approach is flawed, and that you’ve become too dependant on good fortune or other factors beyond your control.
To the entrepreneurs, SME owners, salespeople and corporate high flyers: the fact that a customer rebuffs your approach should never be a cause for anxiety.
Your response should be emotionless.
Why? Because you, with enough focused effort, can easily do the work to create a long line of solid prospects ready to take their place. Next!
In fact, sometimes you’ll notice it can actually be a relief to mark someone down as a definite non-buyer. I’ve long held the belief that an outright rejection is better than a “maybe”.
Knowing that business will not come in from a particular source frees you to focus your time, energy and mental resources on the customers are who are ready, willing and able to do business with you right now.
Moving forward…
Understand that real reasons why rejection makes you feel sick to your stomach. It’s because, deep down, you know that:
❌ You’ve gone off-track track
❌ You’re disconnected from your goals
❌ You need to make yourself more busy, and
❌ It’s time for some focused self-improvement.
Simply put: you’ve become too dependent on too little. Never put yourself in that position again. Fill your timetable (in sales, we call this your “pipeline”) with high-quality conversations with the type of people who can move your life forward.
The more busy you are, and the more options you have, the more your fear of rejection will simply… melt away.
Let me know if this new way of thinking about rejection is helpful to you.
Here’s to success. Yours, mine and ours.
Parting shot: Drone pilot and photographer Lucian Coman has been capturing the essence of Botswana for more than 20 years. To view his portfolio and make an order for your personal or business use, contact him by email using the button below.